Okay, I have read quite a few marriage books over the course of 27 years. Some of them have been somewhat helpful, and other ones kind of land flat. But I have actually read this book twice now and have found it more helpful than any other marriage book!!

I have heard Dr. Juli Slattery speak in person before and found what she shared valuable. So when someone I follow on Instagram recommended this book, I decided to order it.

I then gave it to a friend’s daughter last year when she was getting married, and have recommended it to quite a few friends as well.

I think what has been the most helpful from an overall perspective is that this book is helping me focus on the inner work that needs to be done. It is a lot about mindset and perspective and embracing how much we are different. Ultimately, letting the differences be a blessing instead of a point of conflict.

This is not saying to blindly look away from sin in your husband, especially if it is affecting you and your children. But she does get somewhat blunt about you not trying to be his mom or his Holy Spirit. Ouch!!

Another reason this book resonates with me is because Dr. Juli is a strong, problem-solving, driven woman who married a man who is more practical and relational. It isn’t about not being who God created me to be, but it is also about accepting and loving who God created him to be!

I will share some excerpts from the book below. This is one of those books I will read again, so I pulled out a highlighter and marked it up! But I am curious, have you read this book?

Page 40 — “There is more hope for a couple who both have big problems but open hearts than for a couple with minor problems and someone with a hard heart.”

Page 77 — “No husband will be a hero if he owns all the power in marriage. He needs his wife’s input, encouragement, support, and accountability. Without it, he will alienate his children, make unwise decisions, and lose his wife’s respect.”

Page 99 — “We place our husbands in a diabolical double bind, saying to them, ‘I want you to lead but lead the way I tell you to lead.’”

Page 112 — “If you want to change the dynamics of your marriage, you have to build on the strengths he has rather than trying to make him into a different man.”

Page 117 — “The bigger battle of your marriage is not learning to trust your husband but choosing to trust your Lord.”

Page 132 — “The good news is that the goal of healthy conflict is not to solve your irreconcilable differences but to understand them and learn to navigate them.”

Page 137 — “In most situations, a person would rather be validated in conflict than win an argument. The conflict is not ultimately about being right or wrong but about being heard, seen, and understood.”

Page 144 — “People don’t come into marriage as blank slates. We are unique individuals carrying wounds, expectations, formative experiences, and personal weaknesses that can complicate the process of navigating the road to intimacy.”

Page 191 — “A healthy marriage exists with a tension of who we become as a couple while also retaining a strong sense of who we are individually.”

Page 222 — “Be careful to encourage your husband’s passion and calling, not his drive.”

Page 223 — “Callings move a person closer to their uniqueness and God-given passions. Drives move them further into the recesses of their defensiveness.”

Page 232 — “Sometimes God gives our dreams back to us, and other times He transforms our desires.”